Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
