After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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