Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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