Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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