Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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