I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
