I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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