I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
