jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
