I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
