Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
