i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
