a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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