I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
