I can text with my tongue
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
