Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
