Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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