so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
