Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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