some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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