Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
