a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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