That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
