oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
