i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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