Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
