And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
