Umm I'm too high to move.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
