He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
