You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
