Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
