I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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