After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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