It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
