So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
