You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
