I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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