So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
