my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
