I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
