Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
