dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
