My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
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ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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