Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
