you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Randomize
