For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
