Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
