and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
