youre lurking in front of me
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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