wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
