He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
