I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
