Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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