I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
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