I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
