Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
