so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
