So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
