i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
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