Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
