taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
