he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
