Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
