Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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