do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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