I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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