I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
