are you still at the devil's house?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
