i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
