this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
