don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
