you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
