I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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