Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
