I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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