Kareoke will never be a sober sport
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
