The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
