apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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