dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
