You really coming over, don't trick.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
