Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
