Who wears a wallet chain?!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
