You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just found puke in my bra..
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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